<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Love is (a paradox) by bokubroya (liarielle)</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27008884">Love is (a paradox)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/liarielle/pseuds/bokubroya'>bokubroya (liarielle)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Love is [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Development, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Familial Soulmates, First Years As A Squad, Found Family, Gen, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Kageyama Tobio Has Trust Issues, M/M, Parental Takeda Ittetsu, Parental Ukai Keishin, Personal Growth, Platonic Soulmates, Reconciliation, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmates, Team as Family, Trans Takeda Ittetsu, Trans Ukai Keishin, Trust Issues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:41:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,143</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27008884</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/liarielle/pseuds/bokubroya</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s fine that Tobio has no bonds with his parents. It’s fine because middle school starts, and Tobio forms bond after bond. It’s less fine when he begins to lose them, when middle school ends, and Tobio has none. </p><p>It’s fine that Hinata only has bonds with his mother and sister, even after middle school starts, even as Hinata spends more and more time with his friends. It’s less fine as time goes on, when middle school ends, and he still has none. </p><p>Things change when they get to Karasuno. </p><p>---</p><p>Or, my other Soulmates fic! The emphasis in this one will mostly be on familial and platonic bonds, with a variety of fun soulmate “tropes” and abilities. While this fic will mostly be Tobio-centric, there will still be some focus on other characters as well.</p><p>- - -<br/>Please note: all of my fics are on a temporary/intermittent hiatus. I will get back to regular monthly updates when I am able.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hinata Shouyou &amp; Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou &amp; Kageyama Tobio &amp; Tsukishima Kei &amp; Yachi Hitoka &amp; Yamaguchi Tadashi, Hinata Shouyou &amp; Karasuno Volleyball Club, Iwaizumi Hajime &amp; Kageyama Tobio &amp; Oikawa Tooru, Kageyama Tobio &amp; Karasuno Volleyball Club, Kageyama Tobio &amp; Kindaichi Yuutarou &amp; Kunimi Akira, Kageyama Tobio &amp; Ukai Keishin, Karasuno Volleyball Club &amp; Aobajousai Volleyball Club, Karasuno Volleyball Club &amp; Fukuroudani Volleyball Club, Karasuno Volleyball Club &amp; Nekoma Volleyball Club, Takeda Ittetsu/Ukai Keishin, Ukai Keishin &amp; Ukai Ikkei</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Love is [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1971160</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>106</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Love is (a paradox)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey Hey Hey! </p><p>The second of my three Haikyuu fics is here! This is another Soulmates fic idea I had. This one actually came before the IwaOiKage one, but I wanted to write both, so here we are. </p><p>While there will be some romantic relationships in this story, like Ukai and Takeda, the main focus will be familial and platonic soulmates. The way I’m writing soulmate bonds in this story, almost all of them start out platonic, and have the ability to become romantic should those feelings develop. </p><p>So this main story will be mostly Gen, and I will likely write some side one shots or different relationship options in the future, as separate pieces. </p><p>Thanks to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/12Redsky34/pseuds/12Redsky34">Red</a> and <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/plusultrachaos/pseuds/plusultrachaos">Chaos</a> for beta reading!</p><p>I hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first potential soul bond that Tobio ever feels is with Iwaizumi-san. It’s nothing like what he expected—it’s quiet, and subtle. A pressure on his neck that won’t let him look away from his senpai for more than a few minutes at a time. A pull, a nudge, bone deep and insistent. </p><p>Tobio had heard that the first bonds were usually overwhelming. Buzzing, brilliant lights, pure euphoria. It’s not surprising that Tobio doesn’t feel that.</p><p>After all, first bonds are usually familial and parental. </p><p>It’s a confirmation of something Tobio has suspected, and expected, since he first learned about soul bonds. He knew this day was coming soon—sometime around age twelve is when people are first able to feel bonds. Kids are supposed to know when it’s time when they wake up one day, and experience those brilliant overwhelming lights, that euphoria of multiple familial bonds at once. There’s supposed to be a celebration, a coming of age ceremony of sorts. </p><p>After that, there’s the potential for other bonds to form, though they aren’t immediate. They take some time and continuous exposure, like school. Tobio knew to expect this possibility, that his first year would be filled with potential bonds, should he choose to accept them. </p><p>His first bond being Iwaizumi is an unfortunate reminder of a fact that has followed Tobio as faithfully as a shadow his whole life. </p><p>His parents don’t love him. They don’t want him. He can’t bond with them. </p><p>Tobio doesn’t know what to feel. Relief, to finally know for sure, and to have proof that he is, in some shape or form, likeable, maybe even loveable. Anger, to realize that he’s been right this whole time. A helpless child’s grief. Numbness. Frustration. Joy. </p><p>Kageyama Ichigo and Takagi Saho married two years before Tobio was born. They married as strangers. Two families, two businesses, merged. Tobio doesn’t need to wonder if they’re bonded or not—it’s clear that they aren’t. Just as it is now clear that he is a requirement, an obligation to be filled, nothing more.   </p><p>Iwaizumi-san waits until the end of practice to approach him, and Tobio twists his hands in his sleeves. His upperclassman smiles at him, small and crooked. </p><p>“This was pretty fast,” Iwaizumi notes. Tobio’s eyes widen, as he wonders if he’s done something wrong. Should he apologize? “Hey, it’s not a bad thing. Just means we’re meant to be good friends, yeah?” Tobio flushes and nods eagerly. Friends. Yeah, Tobio wants that. He’s never really...had friends before. He’s had teammates, classmates, acquaintances. Never friends. </p><p>“Well, let’s go ahead and-“</p><p>“Iwa-chan!” A despondent cry reaches them, and Iwaizumi sighs harshly. </p><p>“Kinda busy, Oikawa,” he gives his friend a look, as Oikawa-san reaches his side and slings an arm around his shoulders. Tobio can’t hold his gaze for long. There’s always something in Oikawa’s eyes that Tobio can’t completely recognize, but it puts him on edge nonetheless. </p><p>“Oh?” Oikawa tips his head, hair drifting down with the motion. “Busy with what?” Iwaizumi huffs and shoves him off. </p><p>“Stop playing dumb!” He barks. “I already told you.” </p><p>“U-Um...”</p><p>“Sorry, Kageyama,” Iwaizumi-san smiles. “Just ignore him. Let’s go ahead and do this.” Oikawa’s eyes narrow, but he doesn’t interrupt again. Tobio...doesn’t really know what he’s supposed to do. Thankfully, it’s like his body does. He feels something from Iwaizumi, a gentle nudge, and he nudges back. It takes only that brief moment of contact between the bonds for it to form. </p><p>It feels like a perfect, smooth toss, aimed right where the ace needs it, slammed down on the opposite side of the net like crackling lightning. Tobio feels seen. Iwaizumi grins widely at him. </p><p>“Damn,” he chuckles. “That was something else.” </p><p>“What?” Oikawa-san asks sharply, looking between them with burning eyes. “What was it, what did you feel?” Iwaizumi smirks and pushes Oikawa’s face out of his space. </p><p>“You’ll just have to wait and feel it for yourself,” he taunts. Tobio’s eyes widen, and he looks between his senpais. Surely, Iwaizumi doesn’t think Tobio could bond with Oikawa too? </p><p>Tobio isn’t the most...socially apt, but even he can tell that Oikawa doesn’t like him very much. He can’t figure out why, but he can at least see the signs. He reminds Tobio of his parents sometimes. Tolerating Tobio’s existence because he has to, not because he wants to. </p><p>“Rude, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa cries. “You can’t expect me to-“</p><p>“You will,” Iwaizumi says confidently, effectively halting Oikawa. “Trust me. I can feel it.” Oikawa’s eyes narrow, and he lifts his chin to look down at Tobio, studying him. </p><p>“Hm,” he sighs. “Maybe.” He reaches out and pokes the pinch between Tobio’s brows. “Try not to look so disgusted by the idea, Tobio-chan.” Tobio smooths his expression out, startling when the alarm on his phone goes off, reminding him to leave on time. </p><p>“Ah, I have to, to go,” he says nervously. Oikawa-san waves him off and starts to walk away, already dismissing him. Iwaizumi-san rolls his eyes at his friend, and smiles at Tobio. </p><p>“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” he says, reaching out to squeeze Tobio’s shoulder. He tilts his head and then moves his hand up to ruffle Tobio’s hair. Tobio’s cheeks glare red when he unconsciously leans his head into the contact. He barely manages to stutter out a goodbye, before he bows and runs off. </p><p>He goes home to a large, lonely house, one that’s as cold as it’s always been. But his new bond keeps him just warm enough. Even if this is the only one he ever gets, Tobio thinks he could be content. </p><p>-----</p><p>Kindaichi is next, just a few days later. The coaches have the first years playing a practice match against the second years, while the third years watch and take notes. It’s a good day. Tobio’s sense of the court around him is at its highest, and he feels as if he’s traveling with every toss he throws, like he’s the one slamming down on the other side of the court. The victory is enthralling. </p><p>Something changes during the second set, a rippling frustration from the teammates on his side, confusion and amusement from those on the other side of the net. Tobio tries to ignore it, until Coach Umeda actually calls a time out. </p><p>“Kageyama-kun,” he gets Tobio’s attention. Tobio’s eyes catch on the corner of Coach’s mouth that turns down. He tenses and stands straight, hands fisted against his thighs. “Don’t you think it’s time to toss to someone else?” Tobio clings tight to the neutral mask on his face—all too often, authority figures mistake his confusion for contempt. </p><p>“I don’t...understand,” Tobio admits. Coach’s eyes narrow, and Tobio swallows against the dryness in his throat. That scrutinizing expression eases off into a gentle smile. </p><p>“Ah, I see,” Coach chuckles. Tobio looks helplessly between Coach Umeda and Coach Tahara. </p><p>Kunimi takes pity on him before the coaches can, his voice a gentle murmur. “You haven’t passed to anyone except Kindaichi this set.” </p><p>Tobio blinks a few times, looking between Kunimi and the coaches, who nod at him. Tobio turns to Kindaichi, who looks just as confused as him. </p><p>“Eh?” Kindaichi tilts his head. “Really?” Laughter blooms in the gym, and Tobio isn’t sure whether he’s warm from the way his face is burning, or from the good natured, fond sound. </p><p>“You two can step out and handle that bond, then come back,” Coach Umeda decides. “We’ll take a water break.” That...bond? Oh. <em>Oh</em>. Tobio and Kindaichi meet eyes, and Tobio’s mouth twitches, something bubbling in his chest that he doesn’t understand. It’s unfamiliar, and the sound breaks free against his will, a small, quiet chuckle. Kindaichi grins and leads Tobio out of the gym, into the hall. </p><p>“Now I get why everyone seemed so pissed off,” Kindaichi laughs.</p><p>Something warm and unruly, and frighteningly addictive, courses through him, and Tobio huffs softly. “I don’t know how I didn’t realize I was doing it.” </p><p>“Me either,” Kindaichi says. “It’s like, I wasn’t even paying attention, not really. I just wanted to keep hitting your tosses.” That feeling comes back, and Tobio is so, <em>so</em> weak to it. </p><p>“Can we, I mean, do you want-” </p><p>“Yeah,” Kindaichi nods quickly. It’s slower than it was with Iwaizumi-san, a hesitant reach from both of them, until their bonds touch. </p><p>It’s toss after toss, higher, and faster, climbing to the top together. Redefining what the best is. Relentless, and unyielding. </p><p>“Whoa,” Kindaichi whispers. “That’s, uh. Wow.” </p><p>Tobio tries to wade free of the electric warmth that has settled in his chest. “What?” </p><p>Kindaichi looks at him, and Tobio...he doesn’t know what he feels. Like he never wants to leave. Like he needs to curl up and hide, never come back out. “Your bond is...different. It’s good!” Kindaichi hurries to clarify, likely seeing Tobio’s panic in his eyes. “It just feels different.” </p><p>Tobio doesn’t know what to say. Should he tell Kindaichi that his feels different too? Does it? It’s certainly different from Iwaizumi-san’s, but Tobio doesn’t know if that’s the kind of different Kindaichi means. </p><p>“Come on,” Kindaichi slings an arm around his shoulders, like it’s somehow that <em>easy</em>, and walks back towards the gym. “Toss for me some more.” </p><p>Tobio can do that, at least. </p><p>-----</p><p>Sometimes, Tobio hates the sound of his name, the way it seems to speak disappointment, all on its own. </p><p>‘Tobio,’ his mother sighs, thumbing the grades on his most recent tests. Higher marks than he’s ever gotten before, in the top ten of his class—but he’s still locked in his room all of Sunday, with no choice but to study. </p><p>Tension in his father’s shoulders, his voice sharp. ‘Tobio,’ he snaps, fingers bruising on Tobio’s arm until his posture is acceptable, until his face is smooth and empty, until he says nothing at all, even as his grandparents list his flaws, his failures, the imperfections still to be fixed. </p><p>‘Tobio-chan,’ Oikawa sneers, something like glee in his eyes when Tobio’s jump serve lands just out of bounds, ending his chances at service ace before they even begin. </p><p>Tobio <em>tries</em>. Maybe he can try harder. </p><p>-----</p><p>The third bond comes a week after Kindaichi’s, and perhaps it shouldn’t be surprising that it’s Kunimi. He and Kindaichi bonded a few days after Tobio and Kindaichi did, and Tobio certainly felt a draw to the other boy. The three of them are eating lunch when Tobio first feels it, as he picks out the bits of orange peel from under his nails, frowning at the faint stain. He doesn’t notice the feeling at first—it’s gradual, building bit by bit until Tobio realizes it’s settled under his skin. He and Kunimi both pause and look at each other at the same time. Kunimi’s eyes drift to Tobio’s hands, and he holds out a wet wipe. Tobio startles and takes the wipe, getting rid of the stickiness off of his hands. </p><p>“Thank you,” he murmurs. Kunimi smiles, small and soft. </p><p>“Ready?” He asks, tilting his head. </p><p>Tobio feels the bond buzzing under his skin, itching to launch across to Kunimi’s, but he keeps himself in check, though he knows he probably nods too eagerly. Kunimi doesn’t seem to mind, if his growing smile is any indication. They reach to each other, and Tobio realizes he’s pushing too hard with his bond when Kunimi’s reels back at first. Tobio’s  brow pinches and he mutters an apology, then tries again, slower and more careful this time. Kunimi is much more receptive, and their bonds snap together easily once they meet. </p><p>This time, it’s warmth, a sturdy foundation and a careful safety net ready to catch him if he falls. A hidden alcove to hide away from the world if he needs it, and a strong set of shoulders for him to carry the other boy. </p><p>“Oh,” Kunimi says softly. “I see what Kindaichi meant.” Tobio <em>still </em>doesn’t know what they mean, not exactly, but he’s learning that it’s not a bad thing. It makes him feel special, needed, wanted. </p><p>-----</p><p>Tobio’s life is different now, with his bonds. If he were feeling particularly dramatic, Tobio would say that where life was once monochrome, it’s now rich in color. Maybe he picked something up from that poetry Kunimi was reading the other day. </p><p>Tobio feels like volleyball is different now too. He’s hyper aware of his bonds on the court, especially if they’re playing on the same side of the net. He knows before Kindaichi or Kunimi jump what kind of toss they need. Sometimes, he gets it from feelings, bursts of elation or irritation through the bond, and he catalogues what elicits each. Other times, he can’t explain how, he just <em>knows</em>. </p><p>Sometimes, the tosses they need aren’t the ones they want. Tobio apologizes each time, and they forgive him. That, Tobio thinks, is what makes them soulmates. They’re understanding when he gets it wrong. He’s not sure he deserves that, but it’s nice all the same. </p><p>-----</p><p>Iwaizumi’s prediction was right. It doesn’t happen until a week or so after the other three, but in the middle of practice one day, Tobio feels an abrupt jolt through his body, and Oikawa-san’s presence all but demands his attention. It’s strong enough that neither of them can practice, and they have to step outside of the gym to deal with the bond. Oikawa-san looks angry, to be missing practice, and Tobio’s stomach churns. He bows low as soon as the gym doors close behind them. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” he apologizes firmly. “I don’t know why it’s, why it’s like that. But you, um. You-“</p><p>“Stop, Tobio,” Oikawa-san says firmly. The lack of honorific startles him out of his bow, and Tobio stares. Oikawa sighs heavily and looks as uncomfortable as Tobio feels. “Look, Tobio-chan. I...I don’t like this. And I can’t, I don’t...trust it. I can’t.” </p><p>“Okay,” Tobio mumbles, casting his eyes down. </p><p>“Well, what’s that supposed to mean?” Oikawa grouches, and when Tobio looks at him, he’s pouting and looking away. </p><p>“It means, I mean, I don’t know,” Tobio shrugs. “I don’t know what to do.” </p><p>“Oh,” Oikawa says. “That’s pretty easy. I’ll just, you know. I’ll block it, and we won’t have to worry about it. Okay?” </p><p>Tobio expects that to hurt, but it doesn’t. It’s not like his parents. Oikawa isn’t in that category of “should” like they are. Just because there’s a potential bond doesn’t mean he <em>has </em>to accept it. It doesn’t mean it would work. And if Oikawa doesn’t trust it, if he doesn’t want it, it’s probably better that they don’t try. Nothing has to break this way. </p><p>“Yeah,” Tobio agrees. “That’s probably better.” Oikawa leans back, resting a hand on his hip and looking Tobio over. </p><p>“Hm,” Oikawa hmphs. “Yes.” The block is as abrupt as the first feeling was. One breath, Oikawa’s bond is dragging at Tobio’s, and the next, there’s not quite nothing. Tobio can tell it’s still there, but it just feels like...a blip. A feeling that Tobio knows is there, but that’s it. Unobtrusive, neutral. </p><p>“Huh,” Oikawa tilts his head. “That’s different than I expected.” Tobio nods, but doesn’t see the point in saying anything. “Alright, well. Good. Now that’s done, and we can get back to the way things should be. Me being the best, and you thinking you have any chance of catching up.” Oikawa saunters back into the gym without giving Tobio time to reply, not that he really needs to. Tobio doesn’t really know what Oikawa is talking about half the time anyway. </p><p>-----</p><p>A few days later, they’re in the middle of a practice skirmish—Oikawa is playing as setter on one team, Tobio on the other. Oikawa was not pleased when Iwaizumi was placed on Tobio’s team. Tobio could feel that even through the block, subtle ghosting waves of irritation and possessiveness. Tobio thinks that may be one of Oikawa’s bond strengths, if his emotions can get intense enough to be felt even through a block. That explains why Iwaizumi is always able to read him so well. </p><p>The match is going decently so far, the two teams about even in score. Tobio can feel Oikawa’s irritation building each time he sets for Iwaizumi and the ace scores. Of course, it’s only a matter of time before he bursts. </p><p>The next time the ball comes to him, Tobio swiftly appraises the court and realizes that he needs Iwaizumi on his left, not his right. Something in their bond curls inward, tangling on itself, before it snaps. Tobio doesn’t know how he does it but...he feels his thoughts course through the bond to Iwaizumi. </p><p>
  <em>Iwaizumi-san, left! </em>
</p><p>The ace moves instantly, already jumping to receive Tobio’s perfect toss. Tobio feels a thrill through their bond. Around them, their teammates are closing in, all shouts and grins at their impressive quick. </p><p>“How the hell did you do that?” Iwaizumi asks, looking at Tobio in awe. </p><p>“It was just a toss,” Oikawa snaps, his anger popping along Tobio’s arms like static. </p><p>“Not that,” Iwaizumi shakes his head. “Telepathy.” There are a few gasps and murmurs around them, but Tobio only has eyes for the dangerous tension in Oikawa’s frame. </p><p>“What?” Oikawa hisses. Iwaizumi doesn’t seem to notice his friend’s anger. He’s still staring at Tobio, and he reaches out to ruffle his hair. </p><p>“That was incredible, Kageyama,” he praises. “I knew your bond felt special, but <em>damn</em>.” </p><p>“So Tobio-chan’s bond is suddenly <em>special </em>just because he can talk in your head so soon?” Oikawa spits. Iwaizumi blinks and jerks his hand back, out of Tobio’s hair. </p><p>“Tooru, that’s not-“</p><p>“No, no,” Oikawa shoves forward, crowding his voice over Iwaizumi’s. “Sorry I kept you waiting so long. I’m glad little Tobio-chan here is better at this too.” Tobio flinches back, though he’s not sure why. Possibly the vitriol dripping from Oikawa‘s bond, even stronger now through the block. </p><p>“It was an accident,” Tobio blurts out, trying to direct Oikawa’s wrath away from Iwaizumi. “I didn’t, I wasn’t trying to-“</p><p>“Shut up,” Oikawa snaps. “I don’t need to hear about how effortless it was. I get it.” He picks up the ball and slams it into Iwaizumi’s chest, storming off the court seconds later. After a quick glance between Tobio and the coaches, Iwaizumi runs after him. </p><p>Tobio doesn’t know what to do with the dread seeping up through his fingers, his arms, overflowing his shoulders and into his chest. The coaches let them leave early, likely because none of them can focus after Oikawa’s outburst. Kindaichi and Kunimi help ward off their teammates, and Tobio looks at them with tired gratitude. </p><p>He goes home that day wondering if he’ll be down to two bonds by the end of the night. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you liked the start of this story, and I hope you’ll stick around to see where we go next. I don’t have a set posting schedule, I try to rotate through the different fics that I’m writing and update at least once a month for all of them, but sometimes I have time for two each month.</p><p> </p><p>main tumblr: <a href="https://liarielle.tumblr.com/">liarielle</a></p><p>Haikyuu tumblr: <a href="https://bokubroya.tumblr.com/">bokubroya</a></p><p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>